


5 Times Peter Regretted His Life Choices (+ 1 Time He Knew He Made A Great One)

by Lyona



Series: 5 Times [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Post Avengers 4 but I do not guess any plot, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Updated post-IW, and peter is going to make it go into cardiac arrest, except that everyone dusted is FINE. OKAY., im okay im fine i swear, no sex so im not tagging underage, okay?!?!, peter is 16 then 17, wade is 18 then 19, wade loves meryl streep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-13 13:25:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11760822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyona/pseuds/Lyona
Summary: One day, little notes started popping up around the city attached to criminals. Which, okay, it’s New York. But the content of them was just weird, albeit semi-cute, although Peter refused to call the work of his apparent stalker cute.Peter saved them all - not because he liked them, no - but because he figured they might be clues to something. After a while, Peter had accumulated about ten of them and he quickly pieced together the anagram behind the random numbers and letters.13 E 42nd, 11, Jan 4, dibs on little spoon, kiss kissPeter, with maturity beyond his years, realized going would be a terrible decision. Of course, he did it anyway.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update: i revised this after infinity war so there are *major* spoilers  
> please see bottom notes if the bounce between present and past tense doesn't make sense i swear none of it is some longass typo

Peter internally dubs the day he met Wade as ‘The End of All Things Normal.'

And Peter has met a talking, machine gun-wielding space raccoon, so that is saying something.

He’d heard about some vigilante guy in a red suit a little in the first few months after Toomes. Peter was wary of the guy, but didn’t buy into any of the stories at first. He couldn’t really be called a ‘vigilante’, per say, since he got paid he was technically a mercenary. But when Peter heard more about him, he couldn’t help but think of him as such.

The guy was never on the news, more of a myth amongst the shadier walks of life, but Peter would hear the same name - Deadpool - drop every once in a while when doing surveillance on other criminals. At first, Peter was naturally intrigued, and a little spooked, by what they said about him.

The person they described was some immaculately trained, inarguably insane, katana-wielding, impossibly gifted marksman. A serious killing machine. They also said he couldn’t die, but of course that piece of information was always passed along in the, “a friend of mine, whose cousin, whose neighbor, whose uncle saw the guy get cut in half,” way. And, alright, Peter got bitten by a radioactive spider on a field trip and woke up pretty ripped and able to climb walls, so he supposed anything was possible. But he knew an actual _god_ who Peter knew for a fact wasn’t even actually immortal, so some dude in New York being able to shake off being _ripped in half_ seemed super unlikely.

The guy didn't sound like the typical “bad guy," as it were. Of course, his services were for sale, and he was a murderer,but he only went after other criminals. Not unlike Spider-Man, but with the addition of questionable sanity and a considerably higher body count. Peter reasoned that made him about to be maybe twenty percent hero. Not a passing grade exactly but...something. Not a zero.

Peter also noticed that, more often than not, a lot of the stories involved kidnapped kids, or pedophiles, or abusers. Even some more low grade things, like stalker ex-boyfriends. People said he didn’t even charge to help with that, if someone didn't have the money, or with the stuff involving kids. 

Kind of like…helping out the little guy.

But the man’s “missions” all ended the same way; blood, gore, and _a lot_ of it. Peter had felt strange about it, the guy clearly had to be taken in, and given the state he sometimes left his targets, possibly hospitalized, but Peter kind of wanted to talk to him. He told Tony this, who promptly - in all his protective, paternal glory - shot the idea down so hard Peter swore he saw stars. Tony had, of course, known Peter would probably ignore him and looked into the guy himself.

Apparently the man’s name was Wade Wilson, and he wasn’t even an actual man, just two years older than Peter himself at seventeen. A military school prodigy, with a brief - and unprecedentedly early, at only sixteen - stint in the Special Forces, before being dishonorably discharged, based on mental instability. Tony wouldn’t elaborate on that, so Peter _might_ have hacked into his files while Tony was taking a nap on a circuit board and discovered he’d had a meltdown when his squad took on a prostitution ring. One with many children in the hands of the disgusting people in charge. And…okay. Peter could understand that.

There wasn’t any foundation for the whole “can’t die” rumor, but Tony, once again, fiercely told Peter to leave it the hell alone. That the kid was a psychopath who killed for money and an uncommonly well-armed and well-trained psychopath. Tony assured him he’d informed the right authorities, and the guy would be brought down soon enough.

Peter, of course, followed his gut and sought Wilson out anyway. He wasn’t sure why, but nothing he knew about him quite fit. The picture Tony was painting was an ugly one, but Peter had heard all that the guy did, and none of it really portrayed the same guy Tony described. Besides the mental thing. But Peter had been to therapy after Ben, and he’d read a lot of psychology books afterward, a little paranoid about his and May’s mental states. He also watched a lot of crime shows - therefor making him an honorary psychiatrist - so he knew some of the reasons why killers went after abusers and people who hurt children. The signs were clear.

But still, even with his clearer picture, he knew it was a terrible idea to seek him out, but his curiosity - and hope - got the better of him. It felt a little like Toomes, a man doing terrible things for the right reasons. And, even months later, the thought of Toomes sitting across from Liz in prison garb, with only fixed hours to see his child weighed heavily on Peter’s heart. He’d done the right thing, but he wished he could’ve been there sooner, maybe try and reason with Toomes, to help him see what he was giving up.

Maybe this Wilson guy had a family, someone he loved enough to turn a corner. Maybe he could have not just the right intentions, but the right actions, too.

He got a few good tips, but all of a sudden, Wilson - or Deadpool - vanished off the face of the Earth. Or the East Coast, at least.

A year passed without a Deadpool sighting, thus ending Peter’s brief fixation. Then Thanos happened, and Tony got even more ‘dad-ish’ after Peter’s terrifying brush with death. Even if "death" wasn't exactly what happened. If Peter wouldn’t have immediately disabled the Baby Monitor Protocol, Tony definitely would’ve put it back on. Or possibly superglued an actual baby monitor to his suit.

Despite Tony’s level-up in parental anxiety, not to mention Aunt May's - which was  _rough,_ she was even more skilled in guilt tripping than Tony - everything was peaceful. He finished up his first go at the SATs, kicked them in the ass so hard he didn’t even need to take them again, although he knew Tony would make him, determined to get Peter’s “spidery ass to MIT.”

MJ broke up with him, though, which was really rough. Because it’s one thing for your superhero boyfriend to have a duel with your classmate’s dad at Coney Island, but another to be nearly killed by intergalactic Grimace on a motherfucking alien planet. Peter couldn’t even bring himself to really joke about Thanos, about the true apocalypse they all endured and would always carry, because if you want to get technical he _did_ die. In a way.

Peter tried not to remember it, but sometimes he still dreamt of it, all the parts he could remember, even though he tried so hard to put it behind him as the months went on. He was haunted by it all, probably always would be. He was haunted by the memory of Tony holding him as he began to fade into nothingness, his face looking down at Peter, nearly hysterical with terror. Peter remembered hazily thinking through his helpless fear that he'd never thought Tony could be so scared, how he never thought _anyone_ could look so scared. Never thought Iron Man could be so terrified, and it was because of Peter.

He felt so guilty, he made him look that way. He said sorry - he couldn't go away until he said sorry, because maybe Tony would be okay if he did. It wasn't his fault, Peter needed to make him know that but couldn't force any more words from his mouth past the terror suffocating him. Tony holding him made him unafraid in the last moments, made the crippling terror from seconds before stop, and Tony made him feel that way. He was so grateful for that - for everything - and Tony was visibly breaking apart because of him. He wished Tony didn't look that way - so _broken -_ because of him. But saying it only made it worse, he could tell. 

He remembered how Tony shook and clutched him tight, as if to keep him there, like if he held on hard enough he could deny the will of a malevolent god. Then, Peter remembered the sudden cold. Then the darkness.

Peter wasn't sure if that part was real, but there were no pearly gates, no Uncle Ben waiting for him with open arms, so he opted to think he didn't  _die,_ for that was far less terrifying than the alternative. That he _did_ die, and that was all that awaited them in the end.

He tried to put it into words sometimes, talking with Tony when one of his dreams found its way into his conscious mind, and Karen notified Tony as Peter's heart tried to ram its way out of his chest. Tony always tried to calm him down when he found Peter sobbing and gasping. So did May - they tried so hard - when he woke up crying and screaming, she held him. They were both haunted, too. They'd both cry, too, sometimes. 

But there's really nothing to say to make all of the fear go away, so Peter just held on like he did, waited for himself to fade, and when he didn't the darkness left him and Peter came back to himself, finding himself whole and alive and being held close by people who loved him. And he could breathe again.

It didn't make his fear go away, but it made him grateful for his life, and reminded him of how important the present is. Even though no one would ever be able to tell him what the black oblivion meant. None of the others - the others who'd faded, too - spoke of it. The silence told Peter what he needed to know; they all were sent to the same place, or to the nothing, and no one could know what that means.

MJ hadn't faded, and maybe his unwillingness to open up to her was another part of why they couldn't work. 

Tony and Peter had a really long talk after the breakup, and Tony opened up like he only did in rare moments - which usually involved shitting on himself, and citing Howard as the origin for his ineptitude at parenting, but Peter learned quickly to dissuade him from those thoughts - but he never before talked to Peter about his love life. Tony’s love life, that is. Peter’s love life was an Avengers free for all, and a horrible source of constant embarrassment. He thanked Thor everyday for Steve firmly shooting down Tony’s suggestion of giving a live performance of his STD public service announcement to Peter.

Peter was also immeasurably grateful that Tony never found out about him no longer being pure and innocent. He was sure Tony would’ve told Steve, and Peter thought it was probably in the Constitution somewhere that you couldn’t scandalize Captain America with information about your underage, pre-marital relations. Steve was probably already traumatized by Tony, not to say Peter was entirely safe from Tony’s-sex-life related trauma. But the internet was a thing, in all its beautiful and horrible glory, so Peter had unlimited access to the nitty-gritty of Tony’s highly publicized - and sometimes downright insane - young adulthood, although he never utilized such a tool in an argument. Except for that one time when Peter showed up to the Compound so hungover from his after-prom that he puked on Tony’s Louboutin shoes.

They never talked about that day.

Peter, like the rest of the world, probably knew too much about Tony Stark. But not even Peter knew about all of Tony’s problems with Pepper.

Tony and Pepper were coming up on their wedding date when MJ broke it off, and to Peter they always seemed like the power couple of the century. Their engagement was front page news for over a month - Peter felt a little guilty when he found out that there actually were a crazy amount of reporters at the Compound that day - so it seemed crazy that they could keep anything a secret. But, as it were, it turned out that Pepper had broken it off with Tony nearly half a dozen times, always ending with heart break and a lot of tears on both sides.

She loved Tony, but she lived her life waiting for the phone call saying he wasn’t coming home. Tony explained to Peter that not many people could handle that sort of thing, but it was something they had to respect. Peter agreed and couldn’t help but ask - very hesitantly - about why they finally decided to get married. Why anyone would sign on for that, why anyone would want to be with _him_ , when they’d also be with Spider-Man, who could die any day. Peter wasn’t sure why anyone would think he was worth that. Tony looked crushed when Peter said that.

“The thing is, kid,” he said, slinging an arm around Peter’s shoulders with a little squeeze, “everyone gets scared. And for the people who love us - for the people who love _you -_ it’s even scarier for them, what we do. But, someday, you’re going to meet somebody who loves you so much that even if it won’t necessarily be forever, they’ll still take it.” It was clear this was a particularly emotional topic for Tony, and Peter leaned back into his arm a little.

“Because, you know,” Tony said, looking down at Peter, “a little time is better than no time at all.”

Deep Talks with Tony were exceedingly rare, but after that they sprung up more, and Peter started to finally talk about Uncle Ben. This led to more than one tear-stained Versace suit, which Peter would always apologize for and Tony would always tell him to shut up, in the most loving way possible. It was the closest thing he had to a dad since Ben died. In fact, Peter had come to love Tony as much as he'd loved Ben. Peter was really, really happy.

Everything had gotten so good, so quickly. One second, Peter was being crushed into the ground by a gargantuan super-being on an alien planet _,_ then the next he had a superhero pseudo dad, a weird adoptive superhero family - complete with Captain America, who Peter often decreed was the grandpa of the family, to Steve's chagrin and Tony's delight. And even May was super happy because with the Thanos incident, crime in New York had died down, leaving Peter to focus on his college applications and SATs.

It turned out that the Earth almost getting destroyed by Evil Intergalactic Barney really showed criminals what’s important. Peter couldn’t complain.

Peter would one day look back on this pre-Wade period as a simpler time.

One day, a week after his final SAT - small miracles - little notes started popping up around the city attached to criminals. And okay, it’s New York. But the content of them was just weird, albeit semi-cute, although Peter refused to call the work of his apparent stalker _cute_.

Robbers, gang members and other various criminals started showing up everywhere, zip-tied with little notes and drawings taped to their foreheads. The first time Peter found one it was on a guy who’d been - according to the note - trying to break into some little old lady’s apartment. The note was decorated with sparkly bubble heart stickers all around a very unimpressive crayon drawing of Spider-Man swinging through the city, with more than an appropriate amount of focus on his ass.

The note was signed, _Merry Thursday, Spidey! Love, your future best friend and/or lover. (I’ll take whatever I can get, sweetums.)_

Peter, obviously, questioned the perp, who was a cheeky asshole and refused to refer to the note’s author as anything but “your boyfriend.” Which was kind of spat out and meant to be insulting, but Peter legitimately didn’t care at all. He had the Avengers backing him, the opinion of a dude zip-tied in an alley behind Taco Bell with a crayon love letter stuck to his forehead was inconsequential.

He’d already come out about his bisexuality to May and Tony. Telling May was harder than Tony, as Tony's wild youth entailed pretty much everything under the sun, but with her it felt like another secret he’d kept. But with this, it was for nearly five years, and felt a lot more personal.

He’d been aware he liked boys since he was twelve. His first kiss had been with his friend Harry, and he never told May, at first since she openly disliked Harry’s influence on Peter, as well as Harry’s admittedly shady dad. He'd also once heard Ben and May arguing about it, with May saying something about Oscorp and his parents, but Peter didn't understand where they fit into the situation, and always preferred - always, not just as a kid, when he could still picture their faces from memory - not to think about his parents for too long, so he put it out of his mind.

With all that, Peter had been worried she wouldn’t let them be friends anymore, if she knew he liked Harry that much. But then Harry got sent off to boarding school when his dad found out about their tween romance, and that had been that. After, Peter still kept it to himself, on the silly hope maybe he’d come back and they’d be friends again. But all of a sudden, Peter was sixteen and the secret was still being kept, and it had become relevant again when he started getting invited to more parties his junior year and became more…popular. So he finally worked up the nerve to tell May, who of course was beyond supportive and accepting, and Peter felt old guilt lifted off his shoulders.

Coming out to Tony was infinitely easier, so Peter allowed himself to have some fun with it.

Tony had apparently choked on his coffee for a solid ten minutes when Wanda was making idle jabs at Peter about some guy who devoted his entire Instagram to shots of Peter’s abs, to which Peter responded, shrugging, “Tell him to hit me up, I swing both ways.”

It became a famous quote. Peter was very proud. Pepper had rolled her eyes, and found Peter after Tony presumably could breathe again, saying, “You almost killed him.” 

Despite the robber’s poor homophobic attempt at hurting Peter's feelings, he eventually relented to Peter’s badgering and described the man; tall, sounds young, clad in a head-to-toe red suit with damn _samurai swords_ strapped to his back. Peter webbed the man’s mouth shut when he said, “Dresses kinda like you, but cooler, manlier and _way_ more badass. Not a twink like you.”

He didn’t tell Tony about Samurai Casanova, because he’d undoubtably freak the hell out because it all _screamed_ of Wade Wilson. Deadpool, the - to Peter - unconfirmed psychopath and confirmed dude with a PhD in killing. Deadpool, who Peter legitimately hadn’t thought about in a year plus, and was apparently being courted by in some weird vigilante way. He wondered if it was how superheroes typically woo each other.

They kept popping up, all over the city, apprehended criminals with cute - _objectively speaking_ \- letters attached. Very _alive_ criminals and all of them describing the same guy who could only be Wilson.

All of the notes kept coming up with weird little jumbles of letters and numbers at the bottom. Peter saved them all, not because he _liked_ them _,_ but because he figured they might be clues to something. Although he couldn’t deny the moon in one of them was kind of pretty, even if it was completely ruined by the crude drawing of Deadpool and Spider-Man making out - with _a lot_ of tongue - underneath it. After a while, Peter had accumulated about ten of them and he quickly pieced together the anagram behind the random numbers and letters.

_13 E 42nd, 11, Jan 4, dibs on little spoon, kiss kiss_

Peter, with maturity beyond his years, realized going was a terrible decision. Of course, he did it anyway.

\- - -

“Spidey!” Deadpool cried as soon as Peter landed on the building’s roof. “Wow, I’m such a big fan. Name’s Wade, or ‘Pool. The Pool of Death, that is. Or DP, whatever floats your boat,” he managed to convey a leer and a wink with the mask on. Peter would’ve been impressed if he hadn’t been so annoyed already.

“Okay, first - _ew_. Second, what’s with the notes and bad guys, man? I…” He trailed off at Deadpool’s shocked expression, again, semi-impressive with the mask on.

“What?”

“Dear God, you’re a baby!” Wade shrieked, hands to his cheeks. “Oh sweet Meryl, I’ve been lusting after your spidery butt for _ages -_ I should be in some kind of mental hospital,” he laughed at his own joke and Peter rolled his eyes, scowling.

“I am not a _baby._ And don’t think I didn’t hear your voice crack.” Deadpool spluttered, before giggling a little.

“Alright, baby boy, you caught me. I'm eighteen, can legally watch mature adult films, although psychologically I should probably have supervision.” Peter snorted at that. “What about you, munchkin?”

Peter pursed his lips, remembering all the dirt Tony had dug up on this dude. But…he actually hadn’t heard anything about him for a year and when Deadpool reappeared he just helped him out. And he didn’t feel that prickle that accompanied danger. At all, actually. He went with his gut, and somewhere Tony probably sensed something was amiss with the Force.

“Sixteen. Sort-of-almost seventeen.” Wade whistled.

“Shit, and you’re already running with the Avengers? I don’t really buy into the tabloid stuff, but you're suited up pretty damn spiffily, are you Stark’s bastard child? Do y’ know nothin’, Spidey Snow?” Peter laughed, a real laugh.

“No, man, he’s just a friend.”

“A pretty damn good friend to have,” Wade said, gesturing to Peter’s suit. “That thing is like, _painted on._ The man knows what the public wants.” He punctuates this with a solemn nod in the former Avengers Tower’s direction. “And look at the shit I’m stuck with!” Wade gestured to his own suit and kind of towards his crotch but Peter didn’t think he meant to do that. Or maybe he did. “I’m stuck in this big, red, body condom while you’re over there with your butt like that and - " Peter sighed, and tuned out the rest. He didn’t see anything about sexual harassment from possibly-reformed murderers in the superhero contract.

“Also - _dude!”_ the older boy yelled, successfully obtaining Peter’s attention again. “Way to kick serious alien ass! Legit, that’s when I officially started the Spidey Fan Club, I mean, so far it’s just me but I think I could rope Hydra Bob into it -” Peter spluttered,

“Did you say _Hydra -?”_

 _“_ Oh, sweet lord,” Wade plowed on, not hearing him. “Okay, so I had this sick vision in my head where you’re kicking alien ass and Captain ‘Murica is all like ‘Spidey, we have to go’ and you’re all ‘I ain’t heard no fat lady!’ and he’s all like, ‘You’re obsessed with the fat lady! Forget the fat lady!'” Wade howled with laughter, and Peter couldn’t help but chuckle, too.

Wade dove to the ground before Peter, hands splayed as if at prayer. “Please, _please,_ tell me everything - was that metal arm dude there? Let me live vicariously through you.” Peter choked down the laugh threatening to emerge, and tried to take on his Serious Superhero Voice. Which he had possibly been practicing (kind of a lot.)

“Alright, I will tell you of my space adventure. _If,”_ and Wade deflated considerably, “you tell me why you haven’t been murdering people anymore and if it’s like, a temporary thing.” Peter huffed a little, deepening his voice. “Because, if it’s not, we’re gonna have a problem. Uh, not that we already don’t. Because of the, uh, previous…murdering.” Peter’s opinion of Wade got considerably better when the merc didn’t laugh at his extremely failed attempt at being intimidating. He really did need to work on that. Wade even looked a little bashful, rising to his feet awkwardly and mumbling his response.

“I dunno,” Deadpool said, shuffling the roof's pebbles beneath him. “It just…didn’t feel, I dunno, good anymore? I guess. I’m not sure. I don’t know if that’s super true. I guess I just mean - I liked you, y’know, you were cool and funny. And more _real_ ,” Wade chuckled a little, but it sounded nervous. “You just made being actually good more appealing, I guess.” Peter considered this. He felt a sharp swell of pride - like he actually made a difference in someone's life. Even if it may or may not be based off of his butt.

“And you…don’t want to? Y’know, you don’t think you’ll start doing that stuff again?” Wade shrugged.

“I’ll still have it in me. I’ve had it for a - a long ass time, man.” Peter thought back to the information Tony had found, he’d been in the killing business since he was _sixteen._ At _least._ “But, uh. I don’t think so.” Peter nodded when Wade didn’t say anything more, feeling weird when the previously too-loud guy suddenly got all quiet.

“Uh, well. Okay. Um, good. I’ll just, uh…” Peter walked toward the side of the building, about to swing away, but he looked back. Deadpool stood there quietly, and Peter felt a pang of something. Not his Spidey Sense - as Ned had dubbed it - warning him, exactly…

“Hey, Wade!” Peter called out as the older boy began to turn away towards the fire escape. “Um, thanks, by the way. For helping me.” Wade beamed underneath his mask. Peter allowed himself to be impressed. “Um, really. You were super helpful, that one guy with the girl on 21st last week, he was - he usually - uh. You saved her. Really, you should be proud of yourself.” Wade shrugged awkwardly, looking like he would really like to be smaller than his six foot and change body would allow. It reminded Peter a little of Tony, who was tellingly uncomfortable with genuine praise, when you actually bothered to look.

“So, if you wanna come around with me like, patrol with me, sometime. Um, you can. You’re welcome to, I mean.” Wade puffed up like an excited puppy, actually _squealing_ with delight.

“Ah!” Wade cried, bouncing on his feet. “Hell yeah, yes, totally!” Peter smiled underneath his own mask.

“Wanna meet up on 24th tomorrow night? Eleven? Tallest apartment building by CVS. It’s blue. And brick, which sounds weird, but -"

“That is _so_ your aesthetic,” Wade drawled. Peter rolled his eyes.

“So...see you then?” the older boy stood sharply at attention, raising his hand in a two-finger salute.

“Spidey-Bro, nothing in the world could keep me away. Not even your patriotic step-papa.” Peter had no idea what to make of that, so he just laughed.

“‘Night, DP!”

Peter cursed his word choice and super hearing when he heard the quiet whisper that followed.

“It is literally my purpose in life to tap that.”

Peter faltered on his swing, barely saving himself from becoming roadkill as a strangled noise tore out of his throat.

He knew, then, that he had made a terrible mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i greatly prefer "spiderman" with no hyphen but marvel is doing "spider-man" now (i suspect because of copyright... maybe? or maybe stan corrected the world or something and in case that is the case im sticking to spider-man
> 
> also hey so i bumped up the rating just because of the more graphic stuff in chapter 5
> 
> i keep playing with this and updating it all the time lmao - 
> 
> I projected *so goddamn hard* with Peter’s existential Oh dear thor what happens when we die freak out
> 
> Don't worry we go to Valhalla 
> 
> earlier update than that ^: i updated this a little in leu of infinity war although it’s only a spoiler of one part of the movie but a major spoiler that i added since i get annoyed when my writing/plotline is out of date lmao, so don't read unless you've seen it. this is also post avengers 4 so I’m taking optimistic liberties in terms of who’s alive (like we know Peter will be fine but fingers crossed for everybody else) but i don't guess what happens in avengers 4 beyond that Our Lords and Saviors Tony E. Stark and Steven G. Rogers fix all this bullshit even tho its def time stone related i dont get into it or else ill have to go back and obsessively edit this in 2 years


	2. Chapter 2

Somehow, against Peter’s better judgement, he and Wade evolved from reluctant co-vigilantism and actually became friends. Peter didn’t have many friends his age, he had Ned, but he’d moved away to the suburbs, his parents having had enough of New York and all the chaos it attracted, and he could only visit occasionally. And MJ, but that crashed and burned pretty quickly, and even though they remained civil, the actual breakup talk had been somewhat explosive, with Peter trying to suppress his panic caused by actually having to discuss Thanos, making him feel off-balance and disconnected from what was coming out of his mouth. Everything he said came out too harsh and too loud, and MJ returned the favor. It was kind of hard to come back from something like that.

And MJ…well, she still loved him. Peter loved her, too, and the hurt was still there, but he knew in the back of his mind that it was just the pain of failed first love. Even still, maintaining the closeness they'd once had with the strain of giving up their relationship ended up being next to impossible. So, he was kind of down to his decathlon team as his only friends, and he wasn't close to any of them, not really. But he had, and always would have, the Avengers. But even then, Wanda was the only one kind of close to his age, and even she was around five years older than him.  

So Wade coming along and pretty much bulldozing past Peter’s logic-induced defense mechanisms was surprisingly awesome. And surprisingly really needed, in a way Peter didn’t realize at first. Wade needed it, too. It was clear pretty much immediately how lonely Wade was. He had his roommate, a wickedly snarky and lovable blind lady named Al, who Peter met one night when Wade dragged Peter to his ratty sanctum to show off his Avengers action figure collection.

Al loved Peter to bits, and Wade, too, he could tell, even though she spent most of her time roasting the shit out of him. Wade loved her but harbored a lot of suspicion, only seventy percent sure she was actually blind, and kind of convinced she was a spy sent to monitor him. After a while Peter was kind of on board with some of Wade’s various Al conspiracy theories.

In addition to their newfound friendship, their nighttime partnership was just as rewarding. It was weird and new for Peter, being able to completely be himself as Spider-Man, without feeling like he had to compensate for his age. Peter didn’t try to make himself seem older or wiser just because Wade was another superhero (“anti-hero” Wade always corrected.)

The Avengers still thought of him as a kid, Peter knew that. Even though they’d come to respect him - which they did, just as much as anyone else, to a point where Peter felt overwhelmed by it at times - they still pulled punches in spars, and helped him out _way more than necessary_ in the field. Wade didn’t. He treated Peter like he knew what he was doing, he had complete faith in his abilities, despite his age. Because Wade was the same as him; young, capable, and with something to prove. But they didn’t need to prove anything to each other, even if Wade put an incomprehensible amount of weight in Peter's opinion and trust. Wade seemed to be new to it, too. It was nice. Better than nice - it was amazing.

And Wade was _hilarious,_ Peter loved being on Team Red, as Wade had dubbed them. Even though Peter thought two people didn’t really make a team, to which Wade ominously responded, “I did not say we were complete quite yet, young one. Wait and see.”

Their banter always made Peter nearly die from laughing, even when he was having one of his really bad days. He looked forward to their patrols every night (it had started out as once a week, but Wade was clingy and resilient.) The blatant flirting Peter could do without,  and definitely the more graphic flirting in Spanish Wade thought Peter didn't understand. Especially that one time Wade was riding on Peter’s back through the city, with Peter semi-hysterically repeating to himself  _it's a knife, it's a knife, it's a knife,_ as he felt a hard pressure against his tailbone shift with every swing, and then Wade said something so wildly intense that Peter missed the building he was aiming for, causing them to almost fall to their deaths. 

Despite the NC-17 aspect of their friendship that Peter had not signed on for, it was great, working with Wade. 

Also, to the horror of the criminals of New York, they were both _next level_ talkers.

Peter _loved_ it, Sam and Bucky still gave him a hard time about how chatty he was on the comms during fights (Peter thought it was because they were still salty about Germany, because everything he said was gold and that was the only possible explanation.) Even Tony, King of Cheesy One-Liners, usually had to tell Peter to focus and stop rambling. And okay,  _e_ _xcuse you,_ Peter could multitask. But Wade - Peter had met his match. Especially since Wade was even chattier than him when they first started hanging out, and Peter felt threatened by the self-dubbed “Merc with a Mouth,” and seriously upped his game. They would've been unstoppable if it was possible to talk criminals to death. Well okay, not to death, because Peter had trained Wade out of that with the power of his quips.

“And your butt,” Wade would always remind him, “don’t discredit your radioactively-enhanced booty, baby boy.”

So, yeah, Peter got way more comfortable with Wade. Even though most nights ended with Wade saying something weirdly romantic and sexual in leu of a normal goodbye.

He told Wade about how he got his powers, after Wade’s millionth question about the webs and what else was tech-based. Wade, upon finding out the webs were not organic, was deeply disappointed Peter hadn't put the web shooters on his crotch, thinking it a seriously wasted opportunity, earning himself one of said webs to the mouth.

He’d told Wade his age already, which was probably a really poor decision to divulge at their first meeting. But he kind of threw caution to the wind, high on the new camaraderie, so he started telling him about his school days; Flash being an asshole, tests he nailed or sometimes slept through by accident, the weird PSAs Steve had done for some reason - Peter suspected a lost bet - that almost made detention worth it. He tried to refrain from talking about Flash though, because Wade always got his 'spooky face' when he mentioned being thrown in lockers and other overly cliché shit like that.

Wade was chatty as all hell, but was hesitant to talk about “real stuff” until they really became close, when Peter started divulging more and more personal stuff, and his friend started eluding to things in bits and pieces. What he said was usually put out there as a dark joke, usually about his mental instability or general “fucked up-ness,” but Peter could hear the underlying truth and insecurity in it. When he said certain things, what Peter knew and what he didn’t know started making the puzzle that was Wade come together to form a more solid picture. Sometimes what Wade said seemed like a warning of some kind, as if the closer they got the more Wade tried to unnerve Peter. Like he was expecting him to run for the hills, and wanted to get it over with. Peter preferred to believe that wasn't the case, it made him too sad.

They talked about Wade's story, _really_ talked, after one particularly rough night. They'd busted a gang-affiliated man after he'd fled the scene of a shoot out the night before, while he happened to be beating one of his kids. Wade had howled at him incoherently, charging him, not paying any attention to the gun the man had produced that Peter didn’t have time to web away. Then - and it was a sight Peter would never forget, and had nightmares about for weeks - the man turned, and shot Wade three times in the chest. One nailing him right in the heart. Wade staggered, and Peter screamed. But then Wade just shook it off and dove at the gangster, beating him viciously.

Peter could see how badly Wade wanted to kill him, but he was too shocked to move and stop him. Wade clearly almost went through with it, his hand twitching back to take one of his katanas in hand, but then he just looked at Peter for a second - really _looked_ \- and promptly stood up and turned away. Wade walked out of the building silently, leaving Peter to web the man up for the cops.

Peter found Wade later, crying quietly on a fire escape. He wouldn't have even been able to tell if it weren't for his enhanced sight, but with that he saw the tremors in Wade's shoulders, the shake of his chin beneath his mask. Peter had sat down with him silently, taking his hand and squeezing until Wade stilled. He didn’t ask about the bullets, at first. Later he realized he was definitely in shock from the sight of bloody holes in Wade’s chest.

“I’m not actually an emotional, sensitive wreck,” he said with a weird sort of laugh that made Peter's stomach clench. “It’s just…sometimes everything gets too loud.”

Wade told Peter about the boxes, how sometimes they overwhelmed him when he saw that kind of stuff, and he couldn't think straight with all the noise. Sometimes he just couldn’t handle it.

“I’m sorry for being crazy,” Wade murmured miserably. Peter felt a tight pain in his chest, and shook his head, squeezing Wade’s hand tighter when his friend tried to pull away.

“You’re not crazy,” Peter said. Wade shook his head, opening his mouth to contradict him.

“No, really, Wade," Peter continued, "sometimes, when things get bad...” and right then, he really wanted to tell Wade all about Uncle Ben, about the shot Peter was seconds too late to stop, because he was selfish and careless. He wanted to tell him about the darkness he didn't want to believe was real. How sometimes he couldn't even _breathe._ “You know how all my senses, after the spider, got bumped up?” Wade nodded, gaze fixed on Peter’s hand holding his.

“Well, sometimes my senses freak out, when...certain stuff happens, and I can’t control them. Everything gets too loud for me, too. I can’t really handle it, either. Tony designed my mask, so it dulls things, but it doesn't always work," Peter falls silent for a moment, looking down at the concrete below them for a beat before speaking again.

"But, maybe we can - y’know. Figure it out together.”

Wade had looked at Peter then, for such a long time Peter felt like he should be uncomfortable. But he just felt sad. Wade was looking at him like he couldn’t believe he was real - like he was waiting for the punchline. Peter waited for a joke, like Tony sometimes did when he was overwhelmed by something and wanted to divert the topic. But instead, Wade just nodded. They spent the next few hours on the fire escape, and Wade told Peter everything.

He explained the boxes - yellow and white - and he said they both really liked Peter, even if they didn’t want Wade to approach him at first. He said they had always sort of been there, since he was a kid, even before he went off to military school, when he was still living with his dad. He never talked about his dad, but you didn't need to be a genius to figure out what kind of man he’d been.

Wade’s boxes - he never called them voices, so neither did Peter - really got bad after the… _experimenting_ on Wade. Wade was purposely vague about it while telling Peter, like he’d bolt if he was too honest. But Peter knew better than to ask too much about Department K. Wade told him about his cancer, about how they lied to him and said they were going to cure him, then get him back out in the world to help people, but it was just so he wouldn't disappear on them. He was a minor, his dad signed off on the "experimental treatments." What he really did was quite simple; he sold his son, knowing full well what was going to happen to Wade.

What Department K was really doing was trying to recreate the same super-soldier serum others had been trying to replicate since the forties, like Doctor Banner.

“They weren’t trying to make a second Cap, though,” Wade said. “They scooped me up because I was...desperate," he cringed at the word, "and 'cause of my Special Forces track record. Very impressive, b-t-w,” Wade said, wiggling his eyebrows at him, and Peter was fleetingly relieved that he was feeling alright enough to crack even a little joke. But he sobered again. “They were gonna sell me as some kind of fucked up bodyguard-slash-hitman, for whatever scum needed to kill some people. Y’know, terrorize people, put down problems. ‘Problems’ meaning whoever was fucking up the plans of whatever higher-up asshole who could afford me. Just…bad shit.”

“How’d you get away? What happened to them?” Peter asked, after a beat. Wade shrugged.

“The serum kicked in, I got out. They’re gone, Spidey,” he said, voice detached. Empty. It wasn’t really answering either questions, but also answered both. Peter just nodded.

“And…your dad? What happened to him after…” Wade scoffed.

“After he sold me?” his voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “He’s gone, too.”

Wade pushed on and told him that they couldn’t get the serum they’d created to activate in any way after administering it, and thought if they put him through enough stress it would take effect, like how Bruce’s form of enhancement only came out when he was in a heightened emotional state.

“They put me through shit for four months before the crazy healing kicked in,” Wade choked out, pulling his mask up a little bit to wipe at his nose.

Peter’s chest ached hearing Wade speak like that, like he was going to start crying again. Peter decided, unknowingly, to make it one of his missions in life to prevent Wade’s voice from getting like that.

“Was it really bad?” Peter asked, quietly, sounding very young to his own ears, and really at a loss for words, his imagination running rampant and torturing him with possibilities - all of them horrible. Wade exhaled shakily.

“Yeah. It was really bad. I mean, it worked. But, uh. The boxes got really bad after that, even worse than when I was a kid. 'Cause of, well, everything that went down. Especially when I get hurt. I still feel pain, and it's usually way worse than what it was then. Dying all the time really does a number on a guy.” Peter felt a sharp pain in his chest, but Wade turned to him, smiling gently. “But since I met you, they’ve gotten a lot better.”

His mask was up to his nose, and Peter could see a large scar cutting through his lip. Peter knew however he’d gotten that was a chapter in an ugly story, but for some reason, with Wade’s smile, the scar just seemed… _Wade._

Out of curiosity and comfortability in their sudden, profound closeness, and Wade’s apparent all-encompassing faith in Peter, he prompted him further.

“How can you have a scar? I mean, I just saw you shot three times, man.”

“Oh.” Wade said, pulling his mask down. Peter frowned.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. Just - the scars that happened before didn't go away. Now, if I get any kind of scrape it's gone super fast.” Peter nodded, casting a glance at where the holes had been, which now were perfectly healed, the only evidence of their previous existence the slightly torn fabric of Wade's suit. He couldn’t help but ask the question plaguing his mind, very softly.

“Do you have them everywhere? From what they did to you.” Wade was staring at him, his mask - as always - so expressive. He looked scared. Peter had never seen Wade scared before.

“Um. Yeah.” Peter shifted to face Wade, hoping his own mask could convey the gentleness he was trying to put into his voice.

“You don’t need to wear a mask, Wade. I mean, I know who you are. There’s no reason to around me.”

“I just don’t like looking at them. It makes me remember,” Wade said after a long silence, his voice breaking on each word. “I don’t want you looking at them, either. I don’t want you to see it. You’ll know I’m crazy.” Peter bit his lip. He didn’t want Wade to think anything could scare Peter away.

That thought startled Peter, he’d known him for three months, put up with his wild ramblings and sometimes gross flirting, he’d just seen him take three bullets to the chest, and Peter felt no inclination to turn and run.

“I’m your friend. I care about you,” Peter blinked, startled by his own sincerity, and decided to dive in head first. “I’m sorry so much crap has happened to you. I can't imagine what it must have - what it must be like. And if I could’ve stopped it, you know I would’ve. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. But, none of that - any of it - changes anything. You’re my friend. And you _are not_ crazy, Wade.” Wade swallowed hard, and sighed.

“You have to really promise not to freak out,” he said, seriously. Peter attempted to throw some levity into the tense situation.

“Again, I just saw you shot three times.” Wade looked like he was considering this, pausing as he raised his hands toward his neck.

“Okay, yeah, you have a point. But still. Don’t hate me.” Peter was kind of crushed on Wade’s behalf.

“I could never.” Wade paused again, mouth agape. He seemed to shake off his reaction before Peter could interpret it, and undid his mask.

Wade had sandy blond hair, it was horribly messy, but it looked so soft. Peter had always imagined him having some crazy goth hairdo - just to be edgy, not that he's goth at all - and while the messiness gave it a certain spiky look, it still looked like it could advertise some hair product. That was overshadowed, though.

He wasn’t exaggerating about the scars. There were a lot of them, probably five slicing through different parts of his face. There were a few painful looking burn marks slashing across his cheek bone, like someone had put a blow torch - Peter stopped that train of thought.

One tip of his ear looked like something had bitten off a piece of it, or an earring had been roughly ripped out. His neck was...violent. Peter couldn't think of any other way to describe it, and didn't really want to.

Once he got over the empathetic sadness he was feeling for his friend, he decided he was actually good looking, even with the scars.

Only after the handsomeness revelation did Peter notice the bandaids. There were various Avengers bandaids covering different places on his face where there  _weren’t_ scars. Because, well. Wade.

Wade’s shoulders were drawn up to his ears, clutching his mask to his chest with white knuckles, his brown eyes wide. Peter crossed his arms, doing his best impression of a glare he could muster while feeling so honored by Wade’s trust.

“Seriously, Wade? No Spider-Man bandaids? I am legitimately beyond insulted.” Wade burst out laughing and _wow_ \- he was actually _super_ good looking. Peter kind of wanted to tell him so, but his common sense won out. He _did not_ need any more romancing.

“I’m so sorry, Spidey,” Wade said between giggles. Peter was laughing, too, but had been expecting ‘Peter’ to leave Wade’s mouth. Or more likely some bastardized variation. It wasn’t right, Peter decided, that Wade pretty much just poured his heart and soul out to him, and he didn’t even know his name.

Peter was astounded by that; Wade trusted him _that much_ and he didn’t even know his name.

He raised his fingers to the edge of his mask to pull it off, and thought about what this meant. Only a scarce few knew who Spider-Man was behind the mask, and Peter intended for them to remain in his life forever. Did he really want Wade around forever?

Peter was somehow not surprised at all to realize he was more than okay with Wade in his life for good.

He pulled off his mask, Wade was still in a fit of giggles that stopped suddenly when Peter held out his hand. His eyes darted up to Peter’s face, and his jaw pretty much fell off.

“It’s Peter, actually. Peter Parker.” Wade blinked rapidly, taking his hand, looking dazed, and shaking it. Peter smiled at him, but got more and more uncomfortable as Wade’s shocked silence stretched out.

“Uh, Wade -?” Wade shuddered, eyes wide.

“Oh _Jesus tap dancing Christ,_ ” Wade breathed. Peter made a face. “You, baby boy, are why faces were invented. _Shit,_ you are _so_ cute. God, you’re like the whole package; a web-slinging, crimefighting, perfect, beautiful angel with an ass made of rainbows and sunshine.” Peter blinked, blushing hard. That was almost really romantic. For Wade, anyway. “Please marry me.” Peter glared at him.

“You ruined the moment.” Wade jumped up from their seated perch and shook his head rapidly, hands held up in surrender. Peter stood up beside him, arms crossed and eyebrow raised.

“No, no, no - okay, redo.” He straightened his invisible tuxedo, running a hand through his unsalvageable mess of blond hair, as if to slick it back. He bowed in a flourish, turning his palm up, with his best bedroom eyes on display. “Hello, I am Mister Wade Winston Wilson, or _the Pool_ , if you will.” Peter couldn’t hold back a burst of laughter, curtsying delicately and extending his hand to him.

“Hello, sir, I am Peter Parker,” he said, adding a lilt to his voice. Wade laughed, and choked it back, kissing his hand sweetly. Peter would've made a face, but found he didn't mind. He chose not to dwell on it.

“A true pleasure to make your acquaintance, Peter -" Wade frowned, like it tasted wrong. “Pete - Petey. Hm. Ah!” Wade grinned, bedroom eyes even more severe as he whispered in a low growl that Peter would never admit made his heart stop for a second.

“ _Beloved._ ”

Peter sighed.

This meant lifelong friendship, which - by extension - meant he’d have to deal with this forever.

When Peter swung home that night, he considered going to therapy to deduce whether or not he’d actually gone insane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peter's screwed. i angsted everywhere im sorry. also due to the lack of wade's canon eye color i went with ryan reynolds'
> 
> if anyone likes dark backstories here’s one for you: Wade’s throat was slit, that’s the scar Peter couldn’t put words to.
> 
> The scar was the last Dep K inflicted on him, the last that stayed on his body. All the scars he has are from when he was non-enhanced, and while this scar healed, it still technically killed him. After four months, Dep K had pretty much given up, and their last resort was to see if killing him would activate his enhancement. They decided to make this their final plan after seeing in Shield’s leaked files (dammit Natasha) that the Hulk had spit out the bullet Bruce meant for himself. Of course, no Hulk came out, so they assumed he died. Which, technically, he did. Then Wade wakes up in a body bag, and basically Wade got out of the facility by playing dead (then killing the guys who were about to dispose of his body.) Then (cue to that brief period at the beginning where Wade vanished while Peter was looking for him) he went on a Deadpool (a la movie) kill spree. Then we find our beloved anti hero horribly in love with our kitten-saving lil Spidey.


	3. Chapter 3

Peter and Wade got even closer after the Angel Face Unveiling - as Wade called it, Peter did not approve - and hung out outside the suits, not just on patrol. Wade was suddenly his best friend. And Peter, surprisingly and somehow not surprisingly at all, loved it. 

When spring break rolled around, Peter and Wade pretty much spent the entirety of it holed up in his room playing Injustice and eating an unhealthy amount of Doritos. May was disgusted, but she loved Wade, so she let their gross, stereotypical, teenage boy antics slide. 

Peter was _terrified_ when he brought Wade back to his apartment for the first time, but Wade got Call of Duty WWII for Peter's seventeenth birthday, and they agreed it would be an insult to Capsicle - Peter never should have told Wade that joke - if they didn’t play it for at least two days straight. But, as it turned out, Peter’s all-encompassing anxiety at the idea of May meeting Wade was unnecessary. Wade could really throw down not-weird charm when he wanted to. May loved him within two seconds, when he showed up with a giant bouquet of flowers in his arms. Of course, he “didn’t want Petey to be jealous” and brought him a smaller bouquet “in the least gay colors I could find." Which, of course, he said in front of May. So. That happened.

After Wade left, Peter was grilled for about two hours about his no-he’s-not-my-boyfriend. May didn’t buy it at all, and finally ended up getting the answer she wanted.

“Well, if you’re not gonna tell me, I guess I’ll just check in with Tony. See if he’s got the dirt,” she said with a grin, waving her phone in the air threateningly. Peter snatched it from her grasp, his stomach churning.

“No! Seriously, May. Please don’t.” May looked alarmed, blinking in surprise. 

“Uh, why wouldn’t I tell him about Wade?" When Peter said nothing, his mouth just opening and closing like a dying fish as he frantically tried to come up with a response, May's brow furrowed, frowning. "Kinda freaking me out, sweetie.”

Peter was petrified. If Tony knew about him and Wade, his guaranteed hysteria and possible anger would be of biblical proportions. He could get Wade arrested and thrown in jail forever. He said the first thing that sprung to mind.

“Because, okay, he _is_ my boyfriend and Tony doesn’t know I like guys. _P_ _lease_ don’t tell him.” May got that soft, sympathetic look on her face, pulling him into a hug and reassuring him that Tony wouldn’t care, that he'd be happy as long as Peter was happy. Peter felt awful for lying, especially about something like that.

Of course, nothing escaped Tony Stark.

So, Peter's spring break was awesome, granted, it wasn’t filled with margaritas in the Bahamas like some other of his classmates’ break, but he spent the whole time with Wade, and he definitely preferred that over sunburns and tequila. Besides when they watched Spring Breakers and Peter had to spend an hour convincing Wade not to get a grill. 

It was kind of a two person party, killing the days by hiding from sunlight with enough food to feed about twelve people, patrolling at night, then drinking gross cocktails Wade made on the roof of Peter’s building that would send a non-meta to the hospital, with Wade drunkenly drawing more of his crude - and _not cute at all_ \- pictures of them with the ombre markers Peter gifted him with for his nineteenth birthday to make him feel better about "getting old and decrepit."

During patrols Wade duct-taped a speaker to his back and blasted music during their fights. It was _so awesome_ kicking ass with cool music playing in the background. Peter wanted to do it all the time, but Wade had wagged his finger at him, proclaiming,

“It’s only for special occasions, Petey-pie. Like spring break and 4/20.”

“Not even Christmas?” 

“No!” Wade cried, affronted. “The only music that’ll be going on then is me serenading you with the Chipmunks song. I do a mean Alvin.” 

Although the Wade Wilson sponsored concerts were fantastic, the ass-kicking music was really compiled of one part badass stuff and two parts “Wade music.” Most of the time it was the Mamma Mia soundtrack, but Peter knew better than to harsh on ABBA. Or, more importantly, Meryl Streep, who was kind of Wade's chosen deity. Although Wade said he could be persuaded to formally worship Peter's butt instead. Peter webbed his mouth for that one. 

Wade made up for that by making a "Petey Playlist," which thoughtfully included the Imperial March, and plenty of Jonas Brothers and *NSYNC songs. Peter didn't know how Wade knew about his secret love for Nick Jonas, but he wasn't about to question it. There was nothing more magical than beating up bad guys to Burnin' Up.

But then one night someone captured a video of Deadpool serenading Spider-Man with Lay All Your Love on Me, which then went Twitter viral, and that's pretty much where everything went to hell. 

Wade had cackled and gleefully shown Peter the video as soon as it popped up on his Tumblr feed, and at first, Peter was hysterical, before the all-encompassing terror set in. He’d went and grabbed his phone, lying neglected after three hours of gaming, and saw _twenty one_ missed calls from Tony. Not Happy. Tony’s own number. 

“Oh my God,” Peter whispered, truly and utterly terrified as he stared down at the screen. Wade blinked.

“What?” Peter looked up at him, feeling cold and doomed.

“That’s on the internet. That's everywhere.” Wade quirked a brow.

“Yeah, so? It’s hilarious. And romantic.” 

“Tony.” At that, Wade actually looked completely horrified, standing up so fast he stumbled over their mountain of empty take-out bags.

“Oh shit, oh fuck. Okay, Petey, this has been a pleasure, and I’m going to dream about this week forever, and it'll be super sexy for me. But I really should probably, definitely, _absolutely_ leave before Iron Dad blasts his way through your window and sends my dick back in time or something.” 

Peter just nodded, dazed, as Wade fled.

Peter decided to do the mature, right thing and handle his problem like an adult.

He put on his suit, webbed away, hid, and prayed that no one would ever find him. 

\- - - 

Once Peter put his suit on, Tony obviously overrode the suit’s tracking mechanism about fifteen minutes into his self-imposed exile, and showed up to Coney Island - the place where Peter was nearly killed, and he couldn’t help but think that this time he would actually die. Iron Man landed on the Cyclone in front of him, face plate flipping up to reveal a red-faced Tony Stark. 

“ _What the hell_ , _Peter?”_  Tony yelled, not bothering with the unnecessary explanation. Peter winced. 

“Listen -"

“Oh, like you do, right? How you _always_ listen to me? Like that time I told you to _stay away_ from the damn _bloodthirsty psychopath_ but instead you decided to _date_ him!” Peter stood up, glaring at Tony.

“Don’t talk about him like that! He’s a good guy, okay? You don’t -"

“That’s because he _wants_ you to think he’s a good guy, kid!” Tony interrupted. Peter clenched his fists. 

“No, you don’t know -"

“No,  _you_ don’t know! _”_ Tony barked, pointing his finger at him. Peter trembled with anger. “You don’t know what you’re dealing with, Peter! You need to stay the hell away from him! You don’t know what you’re doing - you don’t know how this sort of thing goes, life doesn't do _heartwarming redemption arcs!_ You know _nothing_ about this!” Peter was stunned into silence. It was just like before - but worse. After everything Peter had done, after all they'd gone through together, he was still just a naive little boy to him.

He hadn’t felt like the stupid kid on the ferry in years, but there he was again. Feeling like nothing. Unimportant. An obligation - _a burden_.

Tony sighed, the anger seeming to drain out of him, as it settled deep inside Peter. The damage was done.

He’d grown out of feeling like a burden; he’d felt like that forever, to Ben and May, then to Tony. But Tony let him think he mattered. Someone worth believing in.

Peter wanted to cry. 

He settled for screaming.

“Look, kid, just trust me -" Peter laughed, a harsh, mean sound. Tony blinked, startled.

“Really?” Peter scoffed. “Like you trust me?” Tony raised his hands, wary.

“Pete -"

_“You_ don’t know _anything_ about Wade! He actually _does_ trust me, and he doesn’t treat me like some defenseless little good-for-nothing!” Peter screamed, feeling worse with each word.

He wanted this feeling to _go away._ He was  _happy,_ and Tony was bringing him down to the sad little fifteen year old nothing he’d once been. Tony blinked rapidly, looking horrified, but his voice was firm when he formulated a response.

“I _never_ said -" he broke off as Peter turned and dove off the roller coaster, swinging away.

“ _Peter!”_ Tony yelled. “Get back here!” Peter spun around to look him in the eye.

_“Fuck you!”_

Before he spun back around, he saw the horribly hurt look on Tony’s face, and hated himself for it. 

Peter hated himself for a lot of things, right then; for getting so close to Tony, for thinking of him like a dad, like someone who really _believed_ in him. As the first one to believe in him. He hated himself for valuing Tony’s trust so much. For thinking it was really there, after everything they’d been through together. But it wasn’t - he was still just some stupid kid in his eyes, some kid he was obligated to look after, because if he didn’t it’d be a bad mark  _on his conscience._

His eyes burned and he hated himself for that, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iron dad is trying ok he's very anxious and has a heart condition peter be gentle with him 
> 
> also ok i know tony is spectacularly bad at feelings and it makes me sad for him because i love him with all my heart but tbh i didnt like what the whole "i don't need that on my conscience" thing like i know he didn't mean it that way but there's sort of a potential for an implication of peter being his responsibility instead of actually believing/trusting him, even tho the "i wanted you to be better" definitely showed how much tony believed/believes in him...but ya know, i could see how peter could be hurt by that, esp with his history and i read into things too deeply so id definitely be hurt by it and peter is kind of a sensitive baby and hard on himself sometimes so i played with that


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Baby Hand"

Peter avoided Tony for weeks after their explosive argument, Happy kept in touch with him, and tried to get Peter to talk to Tony, who Peter had blocked. He, of course, couldn’t block him from the suit’s comm, but Tony seemed to get the message and didn’t try after blowing up his phone for the first few days.

Peter was so angry, he wouldn’t even talk to Wade about it - he knew how that conversation would go. Wade would insist he wasn’t worth it, leading to a fight between the two of them about how Wade _was_ worth it, and Peter couldn't handle more conflict with another person he cared about. So Peter kept quiet about it, he didn’t talk to May about it, either. That would only result in demands for an explanation of why Tony wanted Peter to stay away from Wade, and Peter knew there was a good chance she'd take his side, due to the objective facts.

He didn't want to defend Wade to both of them, what happened with Tony hurt like hell. He didn't want that to happen with May, too.

Of course, Peter wasn’t petty enough to avoid the entirety of the Avengers, especially when they directly asked for his help.

Some crazy, electricity-bending villain - who, if Peter hadn't been in such a low mood, would have been dubbed Azula - was wreaking havoc on Brooklyn, which was obviously _very serious_ to Steve Rogers, so it was all hands on deck. Peter showed up, and tried his hardest to flee the second the guy was subdued and in custody, but Steve had gone up to him with his "crystal blue persuasion" eyes, insisting he come back to HQ with them for the night. Even Thor joined in, saying they’d “drink and celebrate our victory!” Peter could hear the underlying  _“please make peace with Tony, he’s killing us,”_ in their words, and wasn’t heartless enough to say no to Captain America’s subtle plea. His eyes were just too damn blue.

So, Peter went back to HQ just to feel like a good American, and steadfastly continued avoiding Tony, pretty much clinging to any available Avenger so he couldn’t corner him.

In the end, he was betrayed by his bladder.

"Peter," Tony called out, ambushing Peter as he exited the bathroom. Peter turned.

"Yeah?" he said after a stretch of silence, sharper than intended. Tony winced. 

"Look, I..." Tony exhaled wearily, looking really exhausted. Peter felt a stab of guilt. 

"I do trust you," Tony said, diving right into it. He sounded so genuine, and more than a little desperate. "I just...you're not just some kid. You’re - well, let’s be honest, you’re basically my kid.” Peter smiled a little at that, anger easing from his posture. 

“But you’re not _just_ a kid, is what I’m - what I’m trying to say. But you _are_ young, and the thing is, everyone grows up by learning lessons, and some of them hurt like hell. And they can hurt even more for people that do what we do," Tony was talking fast, betraying his anxiety. "It's not that I don't trust you, I just...want to protect you from learning things the hard way. Everyone's bound to make mistakes, but for us, the consequences can be..." Tony pursed his lips, seeming to carefully consider his next words.

"They can cause more than hurt feelings, you know what I mean?" Peter didn't even acknowledge the underlying meaning there, biting back the _he would never hurt me_ resting on his tongue. He knew that would just lead to another fight, and he couldn't handle another. And Tony was really trying, he knew this sort of thing was extremely hard for him, and he couldn't help the rush of warmth that came over him hearing Tony's speech.

"Wade isn't a mistake. I promise you that," he made sure to convey his ironclad certainty in his voice and face, but he said the words gently. He made sure not to look angry, because he wasn't, not anymore. Tony was just scared, Peter knew that, and past traumas considered he really couldn't blame him. And whatever misgivings Tony had about Wade and the conflict that came from that had to take a backseat for now, Tony was family just as much as May was, and Peter put his family first in all things. He needed to undo the damage that had been done, that had to come first. 

Tony looked stricken with an emotion Peter couldn't name - and he had a feeling this was one of those times where he wouldn't be able to until he had kids of his own - but seemed to bite his tongue, and Peter could see his own priorities reflected in Tony's eyes. He walked forward, gripping Peter's shoulders and looking up at him. 

"Shit, when did you get taller than me?" Tony grumbled, and Peter couldn't help but feel smug.

"Not hard." Tony glared. 

"Don't be a smart ass, I'm trying to have a moment with you." Peter smothered his smirk and nodded solemnly. Tony squeezed his shoulders, and Peter met his eyes again.  

"Just, I - ugh, I'm really not good at this," he groaned, and Peter suppressed a laugh. Then Tony seemed to steel himself, saying, "I just wanted to save you some pain, but I know that's not possible, and that kills me, Pete. But don't ever think I don't trust you." Peter smiled, feeling warm, and loved, even though Tony hadn't said it today, seemingly hitting his limit for emotional moments. 

He pulled Tony into a tight hug, his cheek pressed to the side of Tony's head. Damn, he really was taller than Tony, he thought, as Tony gripped him back. Suddenly the warmth died down, and Peter's throat felt tight, remembering what he'd said.

"I know you do," Peter bit his lip, feeling better and worse with the realization that Tony was only scared for him, and how he'd reacted in response. 

"I'm really sorry, Tony. I shouldn't have -" Tony pulled back, one hand still clasped on Peter's shoulder as he waved the other dismissively.   
  
"There's something not right if you don't tell me to fuck off every once in a while. You're a teenager. It's healthy." Peter laughed, before sobering slightly at the simultaneously conflicted and resigned expression on Tony's face.

"And with the Wilson kid..." Tony grimaced, seemingly at a loss for what to say. Peter quirked his lips in a half-smile. 

"I know you're worried. I get that. Wade's got a lot of baggage, I know that, but I trust him, and I believe in him," Peter paused, mulling over his next words carefully. "Can - can you give him a chance? For me?" Tony looked vaguely constipated, but fond, too. 

"Ugh, the _for me_. And using your damn puppy eyes for evil, Parker…that's low." Peter grinned unabashedly. Tony sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Alright, kid. We'll give him a shot. For you.”

Peter was too happy to think of how horribly it could go.

\- - -

Deadpool was formally introduced to the Avengers after Peter dragged him along to the regular Wednesday evening evil robot battle. If “dragging along” meant someone clinging to someone else’s back and babbling in their ear, incoherent from excitement. Wade kicked ass and took robot names, Peter was _so_ proud. He sliced through the ‘bots with his katanas like butter, put the Sundance Kid to shame, and was in general so badass and on his game that Peter decided to be nice and not call him out for all the unnecessary flips and crazy parkour moves he was doing to show off. After the battle, with Wade insisting he absolutely _needed_ the metal robot arm, Steve and Tony approached them while the rest of the team handled the obligatory crowd control that always came with Avengers sightings.

“So, this is your friend. Wade, right?” Steve said, smiling as Tony unsuccessfully tried to smother his glare, like the overprotective tiger mom he was. Peter smiled.

“Ye-"

“We’re more like _lovers_ ,” Wade drawled, grinning. Tony made a choked noise as Peter blushed furiously under Steve’s questioning glance. He opened his mouth to fix the damage, but Wade beat him to it, obviously making it worse.

"Iron Dad-in-law, pleased to finally meet you," Wade said, bowing like the pseudo-samurai he was. Tony looked like he was having a stroke. Wade turned to Steve, bowing again, the picture of overzealous respect. 

"Mrs. Stark, a true pleasure." Steve turned bright red down to his neck, spluttering. "You are truly my idol. You make me want to be American. And raise eagles.”

“I - um…Thanks?” 

“ _Wade_ ,” he hissed through gritted teeth, “you promised you wouldn’t make it weird.” Wade cringed.

“Oh, right. Sorry.”

\- - -

So Wade obviously made a really odd first impression on Tony and Steve, and Peter was convinced he did it on purpose to mess with Tony. But he was marginally less weird, after a thinly veiled threat from Peter, with the other Avengers. Steve, ever the polite gentleman, invited Wade back to the Compound, despite Tony’s grumbled protests. Wade almost fainted.

After a lot of gentle convincing - and a promise to put in a good word with Bucky, the origin of Wade's metal arm fixation - Wade did take off his mask. He was visibly uncomfortable on the jet ride at first, but Peter stuck to his side, distracting him with their usual nonsense until Wade’s tense body seeped back into its typical lazy sprawl. Peter continued to stick to his side through the introductions, partially to keep him feeling comfortable, and partially to make sure he didn’t cause another civil war. He had made Wade promise not to talk about his old buddy Hydra Bob, and to absolutely not refer to the temporary separation of the Avengers as “The Divorce” seeing as how it was still “a very touchy topic, Wade.” 

Wade rolled his eyes at that, crossing his arms and firmly saying, “Well, if they’re gonna put their marital issues out in the open like that, they should be ready to talk about it. They should see a therapist - the tense, sexy air around them makes it hard to breathe." Okay, yeah, he had a point and Peter couldn't really deny that there was definitely some unresolved sexual tension there, but he wasn't about to open that particular can of gummy worms. So Peter just groaned, and resorted to begging and promises of Hello Kitty bubble stickers. Wade agreed to his terms.

Despite Peter’s anxiety, he was once again astounded by Wade’s ability to charm people - as opposed to gleefully disturbing them - when he tried hard enough. He quickly won over Wanda when he kissed her hand, and gushed over her ability to turn any giant object into a projectile.

“A true gift,” Wade said. “I’m seriously _so_ jealous. You should find a way to make money doing that. Dibs on being your agent.”

Sam and Bucky were both - at first - uncomfortable around him, probably having been briefed by Steve on what they were dealing with. Bucky was more than a little weirded out by Wade’s fanboy geeking over his arm. But Sam was totally won over about an hour into Wade’s Legendary Weekend with the Avengers once Wade started teaching him some insane parkour moves.

Vision was respectful as always, and even softly chuckled at one of Wade’s weird references that people usually didn't understand. Peter smiled at that, Wade was pink-cheeked with happiness. Natasha just watched him warily at first, and Wade did the same to her. Peter felt betrayed by his Spidey Sense for not warning him when they were in the room together. But then they sparred a few hours into Wade’s arrival at the Compound, and Wade _\- somehow -_ actually handed her ass to her in the first round. Not any of the others, but even one was legendary. Natasha, Scott and Thor were immediately fans. Natasha went up to Peter after, while Thor was bellowing about “Deadpool’s prowess” with Wade making unsubtle sexual jokes that Scott laughed at. She rubbed her bruised wrist as she approached him, an eyebrow quirked as she looked from Peter to Wade.

“Nice catch, Peter,” was all she said, smirking as she walked away. Peter said nothing, feeling utterly resigned.

\- - -

Eventually, of course, Wade had to ruin everything.

In his defense, he managed to not cause an incident until Sunday morning. Which, two and a half days with no chaos was the most Peter had gotten in almost six months, so he was pretty happy with it. Well, he would’ve been if the incident wasn’t so insane it was thereafter known as The Incident. Capitals required.

It started out pretty nice, most of the Avengers were off sparring, and Tony had taken off for the day to spend time with Pepper in the city - for Pepper's OB/GYN appointment, which Peter wasn't supposed to know about, and he really did deserve a medal for not excitedly shouting it from the rooftops.

It was Wade, Peter, Sam and Bucky all sitting in the kitchen, with Wade showing off his “kept man skills” and making curly fries, actually cutting the potatoes. Which was nice, even though Peter was creeped out by how he was using a giant butcher’s knife.

“I like to live on the edge, baby boy,” Wade said to him with a grin. “Get it? Edge? Sharp?” Peter rolled his eyes, kicking his feet up onto the table.

“You’re gonna cut your finger off. Pay attention.” Wade snorted. 

“So? It’ll just grow back.” Sam gave Wade a skeptical look, then.

“You’ve been saying stuff like that all weekend, man. You definitely can’t grow body parts back.” Wade smirked proudly.

“Totes can. I can grow anything back! I can’t die!” Sam scoffed, and Peter’s skin tingled. He sat up straighter, feeling tense.

“Don’t encourage him.” Sam ignored him, smirking at Wade.

“Yeah, right. Nat cut your arm yesterday - I didn’t see that magically heal!” Wade rolled his eyes.

“It healed in like, two seconds.” Sam gave him a disbelieving look, laughing good-naturedly.

“Uh-huh. _Sure,”_ he said with a goading grin. Wade narrowed his eyes.

“You dare to challenge my invincibility?" Sam's grin widened. Wade shrugged. "Well, _fine_ , if you’re gonna be like _that_   _-!”_ Peter jumped up as Wade brought the knife down on his wrist, cutting his hand clean off.

 _“Wade!”_ Peter scrambled over the counter, where blood was spurting everywhere from his forearm. “Ah, shit. _”_

Behind him, he heard a wet, retching noise and a loud thump. He turned just in time to see Sam’s ashen face right before he keeled over and vomited. Bucky had, in his shock, knocked his chair back onto the floor. He rose to his knees, watching Peter and Wade with wide eyes, mouthing _what the fuck,_ over and over.

“Shit - I didn’t think about the mess, oh _man,_ I feel so bad -" Peter gaped at him.

“The _mess?_  Sam's probably traumatized! _”_ Wade fixed him with a look.

“ _Petey!_ This is _important,_  I don’t wanna be a bad house guest!” Peter groaned, looking for something to staunch the bleeding.

“Wade, you just chopped off your hand in the kitchen, that is _not_ proper decorum!”

“Baby boy, _do something!”_ Wade yelled. “I don’t wanna leave this for Eleanor!” Peter spluttered.

“Who the hell is Eleanor?” Wade looked so whole-heartedly concerned and guilty.

“Iron Dad’s cleaning lady. She was really sweet and called me cariño - _Petey_ ,” Wade whined, _“fix it!”_ Peter sighed, turning and yelling at Bucky.

“Bucky! Get the blood rag from my backpack!” Sam wretched on the floor beside Bucky, who grimaced in his direction and stood. He ran out of the room, yelling back over his shoulder.

“The fact that you’ve got a designated 'blood rag' is really damn concerning, kid!” Peter turned back to Wade, who was mumbling under his breath about Catholic guilt and _“poor Eleanor."_

Peter looked at the severed hand on the counter, and tried to think of what the hell they were going to do with it.

He cast a look over his shoulder when he heard Sam gagging, thinking _what’s his problem?_

Peter startled, suddenly, at how routine it felt.

How the hell did this become his life?

He looked back at Wade, who by then was happily babbling about the return of “the baby hand,” and sighed.

_Ah, right. That’s how._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know tom holland is defs done growing but i wanted that scene
> 
> i was inspired by the wade comic on thelittleheroes tumblr go check it out it changes you
> 
> also i added in the eleanor bit because i was reading my old dp comics with ellie in them and felt like throwing it in


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warnings: panic attacks, ptsd, pretty gross violence in this one, one implied reference to suicide and one graphic suicide

So, alright, The Incident was not exactly a point in Wade’s court. Natasha seemed to find it kind of funny - small blessings - but the rest of the Avengers were less than amused. But really, they’d all seen some crazy shit, what’s one silly dismemberment in the kitchen in the grand scheme of things?

Tony had gotten his constipated-slash-horrified face when Peter said that.

Luckily, at Natasha and Bucky’s prompting - after he recovered from the shock, it turned out that he had a special place in his heart for sick jokes, so that helped - they decided the penance would be Peter and Wade cleaning it up. Steve had been very strict about that; they had to sanitize it as if it were a hospital. Peter was just glad he hadn’t pulled out the old army punishment of cleaning it up with toothbrushes.

A few weeks later, it was kind of old news as more superhero antics popped up and distracted them from Wade’s craziness. Peter was pretty sure Thor “lost control” of his axe, leading to the destruction of almost all the windows, to divert the attention away from Wade.

Peter was very grateful, after The Incident Thor had gone up to Peter, bonding with him over caring for an " _exciting_ kind of person.” Peter had also been grateful that Thor was apparently the only Avenger to believe that he and Wade weren’t dating. Tony eventually seemed to sort of buy it, but remained skeptical.

Thor, after expressing their shared experience with wild cards, then cheerfully told Peter the story of when Loki had sicced his Loch Ness Monster child on on the royal ambassadors of Alfheim. Which, okay yeah, he had felt a little comforted by that since Wade had never caused an international incident (as far as Peter knew) with his snake monster son. Well, he probably would, but the point is, at least Wade hadn’t fathered any animals, so that _was_ a point in his court, in Peter's book, anyway.

Wade shook it off, happy at least that now they actually believed he couldn’t die. Peter also knew that after the fact, Steve had pulled Wade aside, going on a long walk with him around the compound to hear his story. He’d been nervous about that, Wade was so reclusive about the grittier details of his life, but he figured if there was anyone else who he might feel safe to talk to, it would be Steve Rogers.

Wade had come back a few hours later, looking grim and red-eyed. Steve had clapped him on the back as they’d walked back in, murmuring something into Wade’s ear Peter couldn’t even hear, before casting a slightly guilty, kind smile Peter’s way. Wade had led Peter away then, and didn’t really want to talk about all he’d told him. But he did tell him the gist.

“He just…kept saying he was sorry. Y’know, since it was his blood or whatever they were trying to make again. It was really nice of him, even though it wasn’t his fault. I kept telling him that, but he wasn’t really listening,” Wade said. “I mean, he _really_ listened to me. More than anybody else really does, except for you, but he wouldn’t stop apologizing.” Wade anxiously twiddled his thumbs in his lap, and Peter took one of his hands and held it in his own.

“Yeah…Steve’s a really nice guy,” Peter said. Wade smiled, puffing out a little laugh and turning to Peter. He smirked.

“He also gave us his blessing. I bet we could get him to officiate the wedding.”

Peter sighed - he'd been doing that a lot since Wade sauntered into his life.

\- - -

A few weeks - and a few amateur villains - later, they got a tip about a possible illegal experimentation group possibly running out of the Bronx. Only Peter, Natasha and Wade were the only ones Steve recruited for the mission, as Steve only planned for it to be an assessment situation, since they couldn’t be sure if the tip was falsified or not. He said they would take further action based on their findings. Peter and Natasha were on reconnaissance, the main purpose of the mission, with Steve and Wade on standby, should shit hit the fan.

But Peter was very uneasy about it, despite what it looked like on paper. When Steve had briefed them beforehand, Wade got a look on his face Peter had never seen. He looked…pained and angry. But it was a quiet anger, not like the explosions of ferocity Peter had been witness to in the past. He couldn’t be sure of what it meant, but it didn’t sit right with him, a strange feeling of dread sinking deep into his gut.

He wasn’t sure what to do, so he went to Tony.

“Tony,” Peter said, entering his office a few doors down from the briefing room, once Steve had finished. Tony looked up from his phone.

“Yeah, Pete?” Tony’s frowned at whatever he saw on Peter’s face, sitting up straighter. “What’s wrong?” Peter bit his lip.

“I…don’t know, exactly. I just - Steve’s bringing Wade, Natasha and I on a mission to - I just don’t feel right about it, I don’t know why, really. Just - can you come? Just in case?” Tony blinked, looking at Peter intently, before standing quickly, nodding.

“Alright. I’ll go suit up.”

\- - -

The information brought them to an abandoned warehouse, they left the quinjet on the roof of an nearby building, out of sight. Natasha and Peter split up, Peter taking the high ground, scaling the ceiling of the facility, while Natasha took the lower levels. Wade, Tony and Steve waited on the roof. As they divided, Wade had looked at Peter - and he swore he saw a warning in his eyes. He didn’t have time to say anything before Steve ordered them to head to their positions. Tony looked at Peter as Steve spoke, nodding minutely with a purposeful glance at Wade.

Peter crawled over the darkened ceilings, silent, with a deep sense of anxiety curling in his stomach. He prayed they’d find nothing. With that hope in mind, his gaze fixed on a the darkness below him, as he whispered for Karen to activate reconnaissance mode. He heard nothing at first, but then he began to hear low whimpering from somewhere in the building, but Karen couldn’t get a read on any heat signatures. He followed the sound, it kept getting louder and louder. He stopped when he came across a hatch in the floor, halfway hidden under some old boxes. Peter scooted them aside and pressed his ear close to it, and Karen amplified the noise, a low, disconcerting humming of a tune greeting his ears, right alongside the whimpering.

He murmured low into his comm, and waited for Natasha. She appeared almost immediately, creeping silently from the shadows. Peter didn’t startle for once, too full of the all-encompassing dread that had been creeping up on him since the briefing, his skin prickling. Steve comm’d them back, giving them the go-ahead.

Natasha - as quietly as she could - pulled the hatch up, and they dropped down silently into matching crouches. Bright fluorescent light greeted them, the hidden basement outfitted to look like a large operation room, overly-sanitized looking cells lining the walls, ominous, looking vaguely like cuticles with their opaque white walls. They crept quietly around, peering into one. Peter had to bite his lip to keep quiet.

Inside, there was a large, muscled man, newly dead. He had the same violent marks across his skin that Wade did, with a giant pool of blood on the floor. Peter struggled to control his breathing as Natasha suddenly whipped around.

“Don’t move," she said, her tone dark. Peter forced himself to turn away from the mutilated corpse, looking past Natasha to the man she currently held at gunpoint.

The man in the corner stopped humming his tune, still cleaning surgical tools at the station in the corner of the room. He turned, face neutral and unafraid, a benevolent smiling curling at his lips. Natasha murmured quickly into her comm, telling Steve and Tony what they'd found.

“Ah,” the man said. “The Avengers. Well, about time you showed up. A little too late for Corporal Adams. A shame. He had such promise.” Natasha said nothing, as Peter registered what the man said. _Experimenting on soldiers._

_Wade._

The man looked at Peter then.

“I hear you found the most promising of all our patients. We’re very grateful, thank you.”

Just then, Tony, Steve and Wade all came through in a backdoor at the end of the room. Tony already had his repulsors raised, as Steve’s eyes scanned the room, widening on Corporal Adams before turning his hard gaze on the doctor before them.

“Who are you? Tell us who you’re working for,” Steve demanded. The man wasn’t paying any attention, eyes fixed on Wade. For some reason, Wade had removed his mask. His face was startlingly white, even his lips a pale pinkish grey.

“Private Wilson,” the man drawled, smiling. “It’s been a long time. Handsome as ever, I see. You’ve grown.” Wade seemed to be jarred out of his thoughts, stalking forward with leonine grace, every step loud, filling Peter with a foreboding he couldn’t repress.

“Wade…” Steve said, warningly. Wade ignored him, coming to a halt before the man, before punching him hard in the jaw, the force of it throwing the man to the ground. Wade moved inhumanly fast, jerking the man up by the collar before he hit the floor, pulling him close to his face, which was contorted in a snarl. The man's eyes widened, looking terrified for half a beat before he seemed to compose himself, smiling again with red teeth.

“I have to say, I’ve missed you," the man husked out, the grip Wade had on him choking him. "You had such potential, and in the end, you were more than we could have ever hoped for. Although your vengeful quest was quite disruptive for us, we were amazed. We were nearly destroyed by you, a boy of only seventeen.” The tall young man trembled, tightening his grip on the man, his lips curling.

“Who the fuck is ‘we’?” Wade spat. The man chuckled, looking up at him with a condescending grin.

“You may have killed most of them, but you know who got away. I know you do, you were always such a smart boy.” Wade glared at him, his eyes filled with so much hatred - Peter had never seen that kind of rage on a person’s face. He never imagined he'd see it on Wade's.

“Do you really think you can hide from him, Wilson? You know, he talks about you quite a bit, he misses you, it seems. The others were too quiet.” Wade sneered, the look on his face promising unimaginable brutality. Peter could barely look at him. He didn't know this person. 

"Who's hiding? You really think he stands a chance? What's he gonna do, rip the rest of my skin off? It'll just grow back!" At that, Wade laughed, and _Christ -_ Peter never wanted to hear that sound again.

"He knows how to end you, Wade. You disrupted his operation - you know he doesn’t like that. Inconveniences. He might like you _,_ but I think that will just make it all the more fun. He  _is_ going to find you - he's coming for you. You know it.” Wade grinned, all teeth with his eyes too wide, too bright. 

"Really? Well, he’s welcome to come over to my place anytime - won’t do any harm. The cunt can’t kill me,” Wade barked out a laugh, “you really think he can? Well, y'know what, the asshole must be a god, 'cause no one else can figure it the fuck out. Not even me!" Peter couldn't breathe, could only watch as Wade spiraled down into somewhere Peter didn't want to know of.

"Here, lemme give you a demonstration.” Wade whipped out one of his handguns, Steve cried out as he quickly realized Wade’s intent. 

Peter couldn’t even muster a scream as Wade pressed it to his forehead and pulled the trigger, blood and bits of gore bursting from the back of his skull. 

Peter shook, gasping for breath as Wade fell backward, the too-white room filling with red until it was all he could see. Wade lay prone on the floor for a moment, before his frame vibrated with deranged laughter as he stumbled back to his feet seconds later, the gaping hole in his head stitching back up quickly. The blood curled in thick rivets down his face, staining his lips and teeth and making his smile a living nightmare. Wade laughed as the man before him vomited violently, he reached forward and tugged the man's hair back, grinning down at him.

"Nifty, ain't it?" 

Peter couldn't breathe - he couldn't _breathe -_ oh god. He stared at the mess on the floor before him, at the back of Wade's head, blond hair coated in red - Peter really liked Wade's hair - it was all red. The room was red, it was all blood, only blood - everywhere. The image before him shifts - he’s in Queens, he’s running, hands stretched out, but the hair is brown when it coats with red after the loud bang that destroyed Peter’s world. 

Peter turned and _ran_ , violently struggling for breath, lungs burning. There was too much noise - he could hear everything, the trickles of blood on the concrete, Tony and Steve yelling after him, the sound of Wade's confused gasp. He tried to push past it, it was _too loud_ , he ran and ran, and the sun blinded him. Where was he? How did he get there?

He fumbled blindly with his web shooters before his legs gave out.

He shouldn't have tried to deal with his problems on his own. He thought that he’d moved on, he hadn’t seen it in years, but he’s back to being fifteen, the gunshot, the blood, May holding him as he cried on the sidewalk, red coating his hands. 

Ben's blood is seeping onto the concrete in his mind's eye, but now it mingles with Wade's. They're both lying there, unmoving and cold. 

Peter's in the darkness. But now the dark is filling with red, choking him, drowning him, and they're in the darkness, too. But not with him. He's alone.

Everything was too loud, he couldn’t stop seeing Ben - seeing Wade - and he vomited bile. He couldn’t do this - but he had to - this was his life now, it’d been his life since the spider. It became his _responsibility_ then. One he’d ignored selfishly, up until it nearly cost him everything. In that moment, he wished everything were different, that he’d never gone on that field trip, that Ben had never gone out that night. 

He hated this life he’d been forced into - where he could hear everything - especially the first gunshot, always the first one, it was always there. How he could hear the  _silence_ that came after.

And now _this_ \- _Wade -_ that he knew didn’t take anything from him, but the sound, _Wade, in the dark, in the blood._

_That_ he could not push past, couldn’t logic away, it was _burned_ in his brain, right next to that place reserved for Peter’s greatest failure, and he _loathed_ it, for the choice being taken from him, just like Ben had been taken. Peter knew that day when he’d woken up, able to climb walls, that his life would never be the same. When Ben died, he knew he couldn’t squander his abilities, that it was his purpose to help people.

And now, Wade - he had a choice this time, to move on, or to give him up - but… he didn’t think he was capable of that anymore. Even with the horrible image Wade implanted in his brain, alongside the painful old brands on Peter’s mind, he could never - 

Why did he think he could handle the violence embedded in Wade's DNA? 

Peter knew what he had to do; he needed to give Wade up. He needed to _get away._ He couldn’t handle it, not _this,_ he’d been doing okay, the gaping holes in Wade’s body, the dismemberment, the constant gore, more often than not to protect him. 

Because Wade, he lo- 

This, he couldn’t handle. Seeing Wade’s head burst, the old, but never forgotten, feeling - the old horrible wound - being dragged up from inside the part of Peter’s heart that would never really be fixed again. The fact that it didn't need to happen - Wade _chose_ it. He brought it all back, all the old agony, intensifying it with new pain.

He couldn’t accept it, anything else - _anything_ but this. 

He _couldn’t._

Peter shouldn't have let him in so completely. But - 

He’s his best friend.

Peter couldn’t go back to how it was before. 

He couldn’t let him go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peter definitely has ptsd im just sayin 
> 
> this hurt :\
> 
> also i know up till this point peter has seen wade shot and fucked up a million times and has seen him self inflict wounds (the baby hand) but the point of why this was so severe is just that peter has up until this point never really seen wade do something genuinely unbalanced. like, never something actively disturbing on a deep personal level. like the dif between the baby hand and this is pretty obvious, but peter's process of those two things is really that the hand was a joke, and this absolutely was not. this was wade in a genuinely unhinged state that peter had up until that point never completely encountered before, especially not to such a drastically severe and therefor traumatic level


	6. Chapter 6

Peter could hear Wade’s quiet, shuffling footsteps behind him, where he was still kneeling in the ground, attempting to control his heaving breaths, he knew it was him - he heard the blood droplets falling to the ground. His panic, which had just begun to subside, flooded through him again with a vengeance. He wouldn’t submit to it, not yet - he needed Wade to _understand._

“What the _fuck,_ Wade?” Peter screamed, lurching unsteadily to his feet, tugging his mask off in a violent motion and throwing it hard at Wade’s chest. He caught it with fumbling fingers as he took in Peter’s tear-streaked face with shocked dismay.

Peter noticed fleetingly in his peripheral how shocked Tony and Steve looked at his outburst, Tony made an aborted motion to steady his swaying body, he tried to ignore it - he felt like every nerve ending was electrified, the sensory overload and violent panic pushed aside by his sudden fury. “What the fuck! You shoot yourself in the head just to - to _scare someone?”_ Peter was shaking, and Wade was blinking rapidly, mouth agape, eyes wide and desperate.

“Petey -"

“ _No!_ No, Wade, you _cannot do that!_ God, do you know what that’s _like_ for me?” Peter told Wade _everything_ ; about the robber Peter let get away, about the gunshot through Ben’s head Peter had to _see_ and _know_ it was his fault.

Wade recognized what was happening to him, Peter saw it in his eyes as his friend stepped closer to him, hands reaching forward in a silent plea.

“Peter,” he said, voice gentle, calming, “I’m so s-" Peter didn’t let him finish, shooting a web over his mouth like he’d done a thousand times before - not out of anger, though, not really - and mustered a glare, too aware of how his chin trembled treacherously, fresh tears threatening to spill.

“Don’t -" he broke off, attempting to control the wet tremor in his voice. “Don’t talk to me. I can’t - I need to…”

His vision swam, and he turned too quickly, walking to the jet, not trusting himself to swing away. Or, he tried to walk, his senses made the ground too vivid, he couldn’t be sure where it really was, his panic made his vision tunnel. He definitely wasn’t walking correctly, but he didn’t care - he needed to _get away._ He almost made it to a seat before his legs gave out, but an arm caught him before he could hit the floor.

“Peter? You okay?” Tony said, already knowing the answer as he carefully eased Peter onto the seat, kneeling down in front of him. Peter placed his head between his knees, feeling nauseous again. Tony was out of the suit, Peter couldn’t see it, but he could smell the clean linen of his shirt, could hear the fabric shift as Tony placed his hands on his shoulders, trying to ground him. Peter shook his head vigorously, not bothering to play it off. Tony had seen him like this before. Tony sighed -it sounded like a roar to Peter’s ears - and he flinched. Tony made a hushing noise, squeezing his shoulders in apology.

“Pete,” Tony said in a faint whisper. “Count to ten for me, alright?” Peter nodded, shakily, as Tony's arms wrapped around him.

_One, two, three, four…_

_\- - -_

Wade kind of disappeared after that, for a while. He sent Peter texts, but he didn’t respond. He needed time to think things through, get farther away from the incident - Wade's  _death_ _-_ and get his feelings in check to make the right choice. He wasn’t sure what to do, Wade was -

He’d somehow become everything. Peter wasn’t sure when, but he knew it was true.

So, he tried to distance himself for a while, and didn’t respond to Wade’s messages, even though it rubbed him raw knowing how hurt Wade would be.

Peter was alarmed when he realized one day that the texts had stopped a week before. He finally looked at them all, and besides the first few, which were so deeply, sincerely contrite that Peter’s eyes welled with tears, the rest were all gibberish.

But Peter knew Wade; even if he sounded crazy, there was _always_ a meaning.

It was just like when they first met - Wade was leaving him clues, and Peter deciphered the code quickly.

_k found me gonna take me find me_

_help me_

Peter’s stomach dropped, and he called Happy.

Twenty minutes later, courtesy of Happy’s violent driving at Peter’s frantic behest, Peter slammed through the doors of the compound. He sprinted up the stairs, then burst into the living room.

_"HELP ME!_ " Peter yelled, not even noticing that, in his panic, he’d split the door in two. Steve stood up sharply, and Tony was in front of him in a second.

"Peter, what's -"

"He's got Wade!" Peter rasped. "The - the Department K, they have him. They have him again. I can't find Wade, they - they took him! I-I don’t know how - Tony, _I can’t - Wade!_ I-" Tony shushed him, comfortingly gripping his shoulders as Steve turned to the rest of the Avengers, all of them looking to be in varying levels of distress over Peter’s hysteria. 

“Pete - _Peter!”_ Tony said, successfully stopping Peter’s incoherent babbling. “It’s okay, I can find him. We’re gonna find him, it’ll be alright.” Peter blinked rapidly, trying to clear the tears from his eyes. 

“H-How?” Tony steeled himself, throwing an arm around Peter’s shoulders and leading him briskly to the elevator. 

“Cap!” Tony called out as the doors began to slide shut. “Prep the jet, takeoff in five!” Steve nodded. 

Tony led Peter quickly to his workshop in the lower levels, hastily barking out an order to F.R.I.D.A.Y. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, initiate Puppy Love Protocol.” Peter shook his head, clearing his racing mind.

“What? What the heck is -" Tony glanced at him, looking slightly sheepish.

“Uh…I worry.” Peter’s brow furrowed, before it dawned on him. 

“Did you put a _tracker_ on Wade?” Tony groaned in response, typing away at his screens. 

“Alright, boss. Activating tracking mechanism,” F.R.I.D.A.Y primly responded, ignoring Peter’s horror. Coordinates almost immediately popped up on the screen, and Tony turned to Peter after forwarding them to Steve.

“Okay, kid. Let’s go rescue your not-boyfriend.” 

\- - - 

Peter tried to control his tremors throughout the excruciatingly long flight, which in reality couldn’t have been more than thirty minutes, with Clint blasting the plane through the skies. Before long, they touched down on the roof of a run-down hospital in New Mexico. Wanda, Clint, Steve, Tony, and Natasha rallied for Peter, for Wade, and briskly walked off the jet in a united line. Without preamble, Wanda burst open the bolted door before them, all of them rushing forward into the brightly lit hallway, and the Avengers launched into an attack on the awaiting black-clad guards. Steve struck one hard in the jaw, sending him careening into a wall, and turned to Peter as more guards descended upon them. 

“Spider-Man, Scarlet Witch, Black Widow - follow the signal, report back when you have eyes on Deadpool!” They all nodded, and hastily broke through the guards. Wanda sent them flying, Peter stuck them to the walls with more shock webs than necessary as Natasha barreled her way through them beside him. 

They followed the signal, the fastest route being shown as a broken down elevator shaft. Peter wrenched it open, strength even more elevated by the adrenaline and rage fueling his body. The inside of the shaft was marked with splatters of something Peter refused to think about as Natasha leapt onto his back in a fluid motion, he jumped down the shaft as Wanda elevated beside them. He swung to the side, Wade’s signal blinking tauntingly close. Wanda burst through the doors, Peter following swiftly behind, Natasha dropping down and matching their rapid pace. They passed by dozens of cells, Peter caught a glimpse of each person, some dead or dying, and committed each to memory, adding them to the white-hot rage that was the only thing keeping him going.

As they reached the signal, dread over what they would find overwhelmed Peter. He absorbed it, forcing it to fuel his anger instead of cripple him as he roughly kicked through the locked doors, sending them flying. They bashed loudly into the corner, and a man startled. 

Peter looked around rapidly, eyes landing on Wade and widening. 

He was latched to a surgical table, a black metal control collar drilled into his throat, he locked eyes with Peter, his mouth opening and closing rapidly, face drawn up in pain from the failed attempt to speak.

_“Wade,”_ he breathed, horrified. His horror seeped out of him, and he shook with violent fury. 

_“You fucker!”_ Peter growled, diving at the man and throwing him to the ground. He pinned him there with his hand tight around his throat.

_“Wanda!”_ Peter barked out. “Get that thing off Wade!” Just as he got it out, a sharp pain jolted up his arm. He looked down, and saw a large needle protruding out of it, the man beneath him smirking. Peter’s mind clouded, and he swayed atop the man briefly before he was pushed aside onto the floor. 

He was dimly aware of the feeling of cold tile against his cheek, then he heard an inhuman howl, his senses clearing after a moment. Whatever the man had injected him with wasn’t strong enough to last long, and the unpleasant fuzziness abated as his body quickly metabolized it. Peter rolled up onto his side and saw Wade several feet away, throat bloodied gruesomely but already nearly healed, the metal restraints broken and strewn about the floor. He'd thrown the man to the ground, sitting atop his legs with a gun to his head. Peter looked in time to see Natasha getting up from the ground where Wade doubtlessly threw her. 

The man didn’t struggle, smiling cruelly up at Wade and lifting his head to push it more firmly against the barrel of the weapon. 

“You were always our finest, Wilson,” he said, sounding a disgusting shade of proud. “Go on, finish it.” 

Wade’s face twitched violently as Peter clambered to his feet with a puff of breath. Wade whipped his head towards him at the sound and deflated visibly with relief. He turned back to the man after a long moment, before easing back onto his thighs, tossing the gun across the floor and staggering to his feet. 

“That isn’t who I am anymore,” Wade murmured, too quietly for most to hear, but not Peter. He sounded so shocked and…at peace. He turned to Natasha, vulnerability in his movements and face, truly looking his age despite his large body.

“I’m sorry.” Natasha said nothing, but her face was soft with understanding. Wade’s gaze flicked back to the man. “Question him, see what he knows. If there are any other bases.” 

As Wade began to turn away, the man moved quickly and made a grab at the gun he had discarded. Wade turned quickly, diving at the man, wrenching the gun out of reach and pinning him once more to the ground. Peter quickly webbed the man firmly to the floor, and stood beside Wade silently. Wade shivered as he took one final glance at this man, no doubt the man who lay claim to all the scars strewn across Wade’s body, and Peter wondered what he could be thinking, what he could be feeling. 

Wade continued to look at him for a moment longer, before turning away, passing the gun back to Natasha and slowly walking out of the room as she began her interrogation. Peter followed closely behind, paying no mind to the scattered unconscious guards.

They reached the outside, standing by the quinjet and still cloaked in a heavy, but peaceful silence. The other Avengers gathered intel from inside the building, but Steve and Tony followed at a respectful distance, probably allowing them privacy for a moment before asking what had happened. 

Wade turned his face slightly upwards to the sky, closing his eyes and heaving deep breaths. Peter pulled off his mask, watching his friend, allowing himself to finally really look at Wade, and reassure himself that he was really there. Wade finally opened his eyes and turned to look at Peter. His lips twitched up into the gentlest smile Peter had ever seen on his face. Peter smiled back, feeling a little hysterical with relief. 

Steve and Tony were quietly briefed over the comm by Natasha and out of his peripheral Peter could see the moment they looked at Wade, seeing his own respect and pride reflected in their expressions. Peter’s throat felt tight and he cleared it before speaking, trying to convey what he felt into his voice.

“You just - you probably just saved so many -" Wade shrugged, looking away. 

“Not really.” Peter smiled softly. 

“Well…I’m really proud of you, Wade.” Wade blinked rapidly, looking so stunned and honored he could cry. But he just smiled bashfully, blushing and looking at Peter with soft, sweet eyes. 

Peter was suddenly hit with a rush of blinding warmth at the look on his face. _This_ was Wade. This was _his_ Wade. 

Peter always thought Wade was handsome, even with the scars, and his smile always made Peter’s stomach twist in knots in a way he’d never thought about. But the feeling flooding through his body, looking at Wade look at him that way - he was floored by it. He’d never felt something so strong in his life. 

_Oh,_ Peter thought, _I’m in love with him._

Without thinking about it at all, just doing what he felt like he was always meant to, but had been ignoring, he started forward. He couldn’t ignore this, or ponder it, he felt like he’d just realized he needed air and had only just taken his first breath.

Peter quickly crossed the distance between him and Wade, ignoring Tony’s barely concealed panic at his purposeful stride. He placed his hands on the older boy’s scarred face and pressed his lips to his in a firm kiss, trying to convey what he couldn’t express in words. Wade just stood there for a moment, body locked up, before he melted, his arms launching up and holding Peter to him with a gentle sort of reverence, his touch feeling a lot like fate.

When Peter finally pulled away, keeping his hands in place, Wade’s eyes were wide, a deep blush settling firmly across his cheeks and traveling down his neck.

“Wanna watch Rugrats in Paris later? We can get burritos from that place on 25th.” Wade gaped, rasping out,

“Yes.” Peter grinned, pressing another kiss to his lips.

“It’s a date.” Wade nodded jerkily as Peter turned towards the plane. Tony spluttered, muttering under his breath about heart attack symptoms, as Steve chuckled at the shell-shocked expression on Wade’s face, patting him on the back. Peter felt Wade’s eyes on him and his body tingled with warmth.

“ _Oh God,_ ” Wade breathed. “I’m doomed.”

Peter smiled. 

\- - - Epilogue - - - 

 

Christmas was Wade’s favorite time of year, purely because of the Michael Buble album and his beloved ugly sweaters. He boasted a strong collection, his new favorite being an absolutely grotesque Iron Man one that made Tony grimace in disgust. He’d thoughtfully gifted Peter with a truly horrifying and utterly cherished Chewbacca one, that went unwashed - to preserve the sparkles - for three weeks until May intervened. 

Christmas morning came, and with it the moment Peter had been waiting for since he’d purchased Wade’s present months before. They sat by the tree as May disappeared to enthusiastically admire the earrings Peter had given her, finally having become a legitimate Stark employee. Well, he was an actual intern at least, but he was paid because of convenient favoritism, since he was "the heir to the Iron Throne," as Wade put it. Tony had actually laughed at that one.  

Wade all but tore into the box as soon as Peter unromantically threw it at him and froze as he opened it, eyes widening. He pulled out a Hello Kitty sneaker, reverently running a finger over the glittery velcro straps. 

“Oh sweet bear claws,” Wade whispered with awe. Peter laughed delightedly. 

“Put them on, put them on!” His boyfriend stood up, almost toppling over with the haste with which he tore off his combat boots, obviously adorned with reindeer stickers. 

He put them on slowly, savoring every precious moment. Wade shuddered, looking up at Peter with a heart-stopping look in his eyes. Peter locked eyes with him, trying to will Wade to remain calm.

“Jump.” Wade’s mouth dropped open with a gasp and promptly did so, shrieking as hot pink lights lit up the room. As he eased down off his magical Christmas present high, he looked at Peter, eyes glassy. 

“You are, by far, the best thing that has ever happened to me.” Peter beamed, pushing up on his toes and pressing a sweet kiss to Wade’s smile.

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wade would go on to adopt an often-angry hamster and name it tony. tony was not pleased, and only spoke in grumbles for days.
> 
> that dumbass sequel i talked about here is now up in advance im sorry it's the product of sleep meds


End file.
